


4 Present time #writeober2020

by YungWenLean



Category: Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu | Legend of the Galactic Heroes
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, fanfic to a fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26859778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YungWenLean/pseuds/YungWenLean
Summary: Almost a decade has passed since the events of the OAV. Olivier Poplin moves to Heinessen and bonds over fatherhood with Julian, Cazerne is the minister of something, Greenhill just flew in and the Rosen Ritters are popular for management positions. Dusty Attenborough is a writer, and married. Olivier Poplin is confused.A fanfic to a fanfic, a possible sequel to my fic Poplin.
Relationships: Dusty Attenborough/OFC, Dusty Attenborough/Olivier Poplin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	4 Present time #writeober2020

**Author's Note:**

> Still #writeober2020, I wrote it as one possible sequel to https://archiveofourown.org/works/26594788 , like a fanfic to a fanfic.

“You left!” 

Karin is on Koro. It’s been five months since I talked to the Cazernes. Things have been moving fast. I asked them for help because I knew they knew how to have a family, but I forgot that Alex was a logistic genius and Hortense an excellent woman behind one. There is a small house in a quiet neighbourhood, within a walking distance from Bruce Ashbey Elementary School and “practically everyone you know”. We’ll get the keys in June. School starts in August.

I’ve tried to explain to Sonya what is about to happen. I don’t think she gets in. I don’t think she even understands that planets exist, like how they are always there and don’t just materialise when we make a stop, and then disappear again. The way most children think about the spaceships, that they only exist when you need them.

I have some savings, and being a war hero and all, I have a decent pension too. It’s been piling up in a bank account while I was flying the galaxy. That, some other privileges I apparently can enjoy, the Cazernes’ talents -- that’s how I’m a homeowner. I don’t even need to work for a while, but I want to. I need to do something when Sonya starts school. That’s where Karin comes in. She runs a rehabilitation program for troubled kids now. Heinessen has been through a lot in the last twenty years, crime has been high, there has been trouble. There is a generation that’s grown up seeing their starzone change hands, war, terrorist attacks, unemployed parents -- when there were any parents. There is no war to give them all shelter, food and purpose. Karin has been trying to help them to turn their lives around.

“Dad died, and you fucking ran off!”

She didn’t look much like Walter when she was young, but when she marched onto the bridge two hours ago it was spooky. It was like Walter was alive again, but female and a redhead. Like if he and I had a love child. She wears her hair short now. And now-now she is sitting in my quarters, smoking, in on her third glass of bourbon, and she’s furious with me. I see her point. The idea is, I will take her job and she’ll take mine. Hortense called me with this suggestion. Apparently, there’s been trouble between Julian and Karin. Karin needs to get away for a bit. And juvenile delinquents would actually listen to a guy like me, right?

“I was just a _kid_ , remember? Not even eighteen! Mom died, I found father, he was… I know you two were friends, but... “

“He was a shitty father”.

Karin smiles. She has this look on her face like she’ll either start crying or a bar brawl. She takes a drag. Her whole appearance screams “a woman who cheats on her husband”. I can read that aura from light years away. I’m just not used to not being happy about it.

“He was. But he still was my father. I thought that we had time, he was young. Mom died, and father was ignoring me. But Frederica wasn’t. And you weren’t. I felt like you cared. And then father was gone. And you, you weren’t even dead… I married too young, you know. I loved Julian… Love. I still do. But. In a normal situation, no one would expect me to… Dad died, you ran off, Julian was like... The only one I had left? Him and Frederica. And with the two of them, the _pressure_ to be this perfect couple. Has anyone ever expected _you_ to be perfect?” 

Nope. 

“I _was_ in love.. But I didn’t need to get _married_ , I needed a _home_ . Some adults in my life, someone who’d stay. I’m trying to work with these kids now, and they listen to me in a way because they can tell I’m one of them. But what can I teach them? ‘Don’t get married at twenty, go play the field, have fun’? _You_ don’t judge me, right?”

I don’t. I remind her that I’ve still never been married. Not going to happen. 

“I love Julian. We just need some time apart to think things through. I need to get away. Do you think I’m a bad mom because I’ll be away from Wenli?”

“Well, you’ll call him every birthday, right?”. I immediately notice how Karin is not in the mood for jokes. I guess I still haven’t won her trust back after being another adult who’d abandoned her. I pour her some more bourbon and watch her light another cigarette. “Look, Karin, he’ll be with his dad. I trust Julian is a good dad. And I’m sure you’re a good mom, and this is just for a short while. A generation ago, fathers were away like this all the time, and were still good fathers, right?”.

I tell her that her kid has two parents. I tell her that no matter how things work out between her and Julian, I’m sure they will make the parenting thing work. I tell her that I’m sorry I just left. I hadn’t considered her feelings. Or anyone else's. She relaxes. We talk. It’s weird to get drunk with Walter again, only now he’s female, and young and we will definitely not fuck. 

***

It’s early July. We’ve lived on Heinessen for two weeks now. We’ve been settling down and keeping a low profile so far. Sonya has not been taking the move lightly. I thought she was used to constant change, but of course to her it was just her normal life. She knew every inch of Koro. People were always changing but I was always nearby. Now she can ride her new bike in the front yard, and if she doesn’t pay attention and keeps riding, she will get lost. The view outside of the nursery is always the same, it doesn’t change from day to day. When she walks out of the front door, it’s always the same driveway. It’s all new to her. 

I thought space was my home, but it’s not. It’s hers. She’s a space baby. I wanted to get her to my old neighbourhood, but it burnt down to the ground in one of the late war fires. I show her the things that are still left from when i was a kid. The elephant fountain. The teapot café. The park. I get her ice cream. She stares at groups of children that crowd there. Korobeinik wasn’t exactly a family cruise ship so seeing so many children her age at one place is not normal to her. 

I try to explain school. Sonya asks me if I think that she will like it. Oh sweetie... I say that auntie Hortense says she’ll do well. I have no idea what six and a half year olds are supposed to know, but Hortense says that reading in English and German is really good. I tell Sonya that if the teachers give her a hard time, she can tell them that she can pretty much co-pilot a spaceship. I wonder if teachers are as hot as I remember from my school days. 

Tonight the Cazernes host our official welcome dinner. I have bought a new crisp white shirt, and I have no idea how I could wear this thing every day through my 20’s. The tie feels like a nooze. Sonya is covered in frills and bows head to toe. She’s excited, the Cazernes are the only ones we’ve met so far and Sonya loves their over the top luxurious gigantic house. I’m nervous as fuck. I hoped to use Sonya as a human shield, but when we arrive she runs straight to the cat. The first crowd are old Ritters, some with unfamiliar ladies. The hugging and handshaking is half greeting and half excuse to talk about workout routines. They either work in the forces or wear expensive timepieces. I kiss the ladies’ hands. The Ritters tell me to stay away and everyone laughs. Sonya recognizes Lintz from a holo and now the Ritters throw her up to the ceiling and she squeals in delight. 

Punch is served. I hear Hortense and Frederica talking in the hall. “Alex will take you luggage… Aleex! Please come in. I thought you’d still be at the congress?”. “I just landed, wouldn’t miss this!” and then some quiet chatter. Frederica lights up when she sees me. “Olivier… wow!”. When she hugs me I remember how tiny she is. She looks so important in the papers that I somehow forgot that her physical body has nothing to do with her political influence. Frederica has a box of chocolates for Sonya and an old bottle of El-Facil whiskey for me. “They’ve stopped making it because it’s terrible, but I found one from the 90’s, and it’s perfect, right? Takes you right back”. I tell her that I get a hangover just from seeing the label. Somewhere I hear Sonya crying. I excuse myself to go and comfort her. The Ritters look guilty. 

I wipe Sonya’s nose and tell her that it’s alright. Where did you hit your head, honey? Oh, it’s nothing, sweetheart. The ceiling was just a bit too low. These are the uncles who sent you the axe, remember? She remembers. In the background I hear the doors open and two voices - an unfamiliar woman and a man I recognize immediately. When Sonya wants to go to play with the cat again, I turn around and there they are. The surgeon, she looks older than her age, she’s thin and slouching a bit, but she has a presence you can’t ignore. And Dusty, wearing slacks and knit, with a sharper shorter haircut than when he was young, some silver in his hair, some lines in his face. Our eyes meet and he smiles. I don’t even notice that he’s wearing glasses until he’s really close and leans in for a hug. When we embrace, my body recognizes his immediately. Thank God I’m not 25 anymore and not all physical reactions awaken at once. 

He introduces me to his wife. I kiss her hand. Her ring is plain and smooth and expensive. Dusty asks, eyes smiling, if that kid over there is mine. I tell him yes and he walks up to Sonya, squats next to her almost as effortlessly as he would ten years ago, and chats her up. Dusty introduces himself and treats her with the kind of formal seriousness that makes kids like you. He says “oh wait, look, what’s here?” and conjures a chocolate coin from behind her ear. Sonya takes the coin and says “daddy can do this too”, unimpressed. Good girl! Then she turns to me and says “daddy, daddy, look, this is the man from your books!”. Attenborough’s portrait is on the back of the covers. Thank you Sonya. Dusty glances at me and then gives Sonya another coin, no magic.

More people arrive. Julian has grown and seems to be doing well, considering everything. He thanks me and Sonya for the romper. Wenli does not look like Walter yet, thankfully. I’ve seen one Walter ghost take over my job this year, I don’t need to see a mini-Schönkopf steal candy from mini-Poplin. You know, when I first met Julian, I’d never ever think we would stand on the balcony of a government official’s house, drink punch and talk about parenting. But here we are. 

The dinner is delightful. Everything is made by Hortense’s catering firm and she hands out business cards. Julian was supposed to leave early, but Wenli and Sonya make peace and fall asleep behind an armchair. I’m drunk. I’m trying to figure out who the Cazernes are sleeping with now. I’m trying to figure out what’s the deal with the Attenboroughs. I never see them kiss. They leave early but they insist I come over for dinner soon. They live nearby after all. We open the whiskey Frederica brought for me, we drink to those who can’t drink anymore, we taste it and then everyone has a story to tell. I don’t want to have a house and settle down. I think of how Karin is probably on the bridge now, roaming the galaxy with Yemi’s clear instructions and her own bad judgement to guide her. I want to be there. But if I have to stay on a planet, in a house, in a neighbourhood -- then I guess this is alright.

***

It’s august and school starts in six days. Yemi is staying with us for a couple of weeks, for Sonya’s first day of school. She says that Karin is a good pilot, but Yemi’s auditor girlfriend is not too happy about a young attractive woman flying the ship. Tonight it’s mother and daughter time. I’m at Attenborough and… The Attenboroughs’. I don’t know what I want, really. I’ve had plenty of other questions to figure out these last nine months, but I’ve been thinking about Dusty way too much.

Their house is not as huge as the Cazernes’, but bigger than mine. It’s messy, in a way that makes a house into a home. There are paintings on the walls, and family photos -- I recognise the old wedding picture. Now there are newer wedding pictures too. The library is a room in itself, but there are books everywhere. We are on drinks now. I keep trying to figure out the relationship. They touch, but they never kiss. Then again, who would start kissing when they have a guest. They seem to like each other and I have to give it to her, she’s clever and funny and Dusty asks her to tell me some of her war stories, and she’s a great storyteller… the material itself is great too, if you can say that about someone’s really messed up life. I guess _I_ can. I don’t like how she is perfect for Attenborough. Every time I notice how tuned in they are, I feel uneasy. Am I jealous? Why would I be?

Yes I am. I guess. And I know why.

It’s past midnight when she says that she’s tired and will retire to her bedroom now.

Her bedroom.

Her.

I tell Dusty about my layover at wherever with the glass tower. His sister still lives there, and she still sends bottles. He finds one in the depths of his bar. It’s dusty, like his name, and we open it and drink to Iserlohn, only to start nearly hyperventilating. “How could we drink this?” I ask, feeling old and remembering that Schönkopf was my age back then and he could keep up with us youngbloods. “To be honest, it was half impossible back then too. You needed ice.” Dusty laughs. Time stands still. We’ve been sitting in armchairs before, but now we are standing up. I move closer. His eyes are still metallic green. The memories of our every first kiss rush through my head. 

Dusty takes a step back. 

“Poplin, look, I really like you. And I’m more than anyone happy to have you back. But this… no”. 

The brown poison hits my head. The room spins. My heart sinks. For an instant I feel like I’m going to pass out, and the next moment I’m on the couch with Attenborough next to me. He pours me a glass of water from a crystal pitcher. I can hear the ice. The room is not hot. We are not undressing out of our uniforms. Dusty has not kissed me back.

“Sorry”, I say. 

“No reason to be”.

“I thought…” I say. I don’t know what I thought. 

“Well, first of all, I’m a married man”.

“I maybe thought you were gay”. I sink into the couch. Now my head is just light. I feel no shame. I just have this deep sense of regret that I’m not kissing Dusty right now. This kind of regret usually blows over the morning after, or when someone else kisses you.

“Yeah, well, that’s second”. 

“But you are married?”

“Yes?”

“To a woman?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you married to a woman if you are gay?”

Dusty is patient. “Whom else would I be married to? My boyfriend?”

Oh. Wow. Wait. “You have a boyfriend?”

“That's the third reason not to follow your drunk ass down the memory lane, Poplin”. 

Fourth reason is, Dusty tells with no bitterness in his voice, that whatever we had ended years ago. A lifetime ago. He tells me that he and his boyfriend have been together for seven years. They met even earlier, back when I was chasing skirt on Terra and Dusty was biding his time on Heinessen. It was a nice break from the fleet, he says. He could spend time with people interested in culture and writing. He says the name of the guy. “The poet? The one with the soul evacuating when the body is on fire?” I ask, and now Dusty is surprised. “You read poetry?” he asks. Of course I do, idiot, you recommended him in an interview years ago.

Dusty looks at me, eyes open, lips parted, like he’d never seen me before, like I was something really precious. I look back. I’m drunk and the look on his face is so sincere and I…

“Did you love me?”

However tender his expression was before, it’s even more so now. “Poplin, is this _you_?”. He takes my hand and I reach out with my other hand and empty the water glass over my mouth and face and shirt.

“More… of that. But water it down!” I demand. 

He lets go of my hand, almost reluctantly. Pours us some more, and then pours icy water over the brown liquor. This is better. 

“I mean, you were _there_ , Poplin. Do you think I loved you?”

“I don’t know”, I shrug. 

“You seemed to have figured out that _you_ liked me. So maybe, Poplin, deep inside you know the answer”. 

“But, I mean, sure, I, you know, cared… and I liked you because… obviously.”. I’m not saying I loved him. I’m just not saying that if he doesn’t. I can’t let him. “But, you’re gay? I’m not.”

Attenborough looks at me like we weren’t drunk. “Just because I like men more than you do in a general sense doesn’t mean it meant less to you than to me in this specific situation”. 

What.

“I didn’t know. That you were gay, I mean. Did _anyone_ know?”

“The other gay men?”

“Did you have anyone beside me?”

“Oh, you’re the one to ask. Of course I did.”

That was news to me. A bit ouch, the same way that when he and his wife get along. But yeah, of course he had.

“Why weren’t you open?”

“My dad made it quite clear that everyone else’s happiness was more important than mine”.

“But no one in the fleet would judge”.

“But in the real world they would. Besides, are you sure you wouldn’t?”

I start thinking. Whom have I done it with? I guess it would have more sense for me to sleep with guys I knew were gay, but the ones I knew were gay usually had boyfriends already. How did they know who was gay if no one who was single was out...

“Poplin, be honest now. What would you do if we ever actually started talking about the nature of our relationship like this?”

I’d run.

“I’d run”

I didn’t even notice that Dusty was holding my hand again before he let go. “You’d run the fuck away the second you realised that you’d been in a relationship for months… Hell, years!”. He has a point.

“Did you trick me into having a relationship?” I ask. Fuck, Dusty, not _again_. 

Dusty smiles. We lift our glasses. 

“And if it helps your bruised ego, I really liked being with you. I always knew you’d be gone without warning, killed or the way you did, so it was what it was. But it was good.”

“To what it was” I say and drink. “To what it was” Dusty echoes. 

My head is light and this is not the release I was hoping for, but this is good too. This is a part of my new life. Drinking with my Iserlohn ex. Then going home to my Korobeinik ex. I suppose I’ll just keep sleeping around til my future Heinessen ex turns up.

“Oh, and by the way, I just remembered” Dusty says and no way that he just remembered that. “You know who’s been asking about you after that dinner? Greenhill.”

“I was actually thinking about inviting her over,” I say. I wasn’t really, I haven’t had the time and I have been thinking about Dusty way too much, but now that he said it, absolutely. Yes sir I will. I start rising. It’s time to leave before Attenborough turns my luck around again. 

“I’d offer you the couch…” Dusty starts saying, but I interrupt him. “Thanks, but I’m a family man now”. I walk home to sober up. I look up at the sky. The universe is sleeping.


End file.
